Sugar, Dairy and Decrease

Where to start, where to start...

I just listened to a podcast called Sugar: The Bitter Truth which really opened my eyes.

It went into how the body chemically breaks up fructose and sucrose and process it.  And upon watching and learning, it has made me ever more wary of sugar.  The White Death as some people call it.  If you don't have an hour and a half to sit and watch it (nor did I) find it on iTunes University.  Listen to it as you go about your day and hear how it will change your life.  Seriously.  Eye opening.

And even with knowledge, old habits and addictions are hard to give up.  I am doing better, but still having a hard time giving up the sugar.  Sigh.



Faye is allergic to dairy.  I am happy about it.  And so annoyed with all the people who say "Conveniently, she is allergic.  Conveniently because you don't like dairy."  It is convenient.  And wonderful.  We have begun to eliminate dairy from our diets.  I feel a lot better without it.  I don't really miss it.  Though I do still sometimes indulge in cheese or butter.  But not often.



And now, on to the big news.  I have lost 19 pounds since October.  I have been going to the gym, and eating smaller portions.  I have been seeing a steady weight decrease.  I now weigh less than I have in four years!  One pound less, it is true.  But one pound is one pound.  And I plan to continue with these habits and hopefully get back to my ideal weight.  What I weighed from eighth grade through college.  And then I got pregnant.  And then the weight decided to take root.  Until now!  Oh happy day!

Back on the Wagon.

Ha.

Usually when I post it is an apology.  An explanation as to why I hadn't been doing well.

But this time, be prepared to be amazed.

I have gone to the gym every day but Sunday for the past two weeks.

I have been losing body fat.

But no weight yet.

Not to worry, though.

I have been doing cardio for an hour, and weight training for an hour.

That is two hours of working out.

Every day.

And I love it!

Jeffrey gave me a gym membership for my birthday.  Best. gift. ever.

X-biking is my favorite.  I mean, it seriously kicks my trash, but I am feeling the results, and that is making me happy.

For fun factor, Zumba seriously beats all.  Dancing, sweating, and feeling whiter than I have ever felt in my life.

Kickboxing is awfully fun.  And amazing for getting frustration out.  Man alive, when there is something bothering me, kickboxing is my cure.

I am seriously loving this.  To the extent that I am losing my sugar cravings.

Sundays are hard days for sugar, though.  No exercise.  Sad.

At any rate, I just wanted to update this.

Next week (starting tomorrow), I get to up my reps.  It is going to be harder, and oh so worth it.  Yay!  Can't wait.

My List

Have you ever seen My Name Is Earl?

Jeffrey kept telling me how awesome it is, and since I ran out of things to watch on Netflix, I decided I would give it a try.

The jury is still out as to whether or not I like it.

But the guy is obsessed with his list.

It got me thinking about lists.

Keith loves lists.  It is the way I get him to clean, or do anything!

Each morning, we sit down, write up a list of what we are going to do, and then do it.

As the day goes on, he carries the list with him, asking to do things, just so he can have the joy of crossing it off.

I think it is absolutely adorable.

Then one day, I realized I am the same way.

I love lists.

I love making them, and then the sense of accomplishment I get when crossing something off.

Even more so, looking at the list, and seeing things crossed off makes me feel like I got a lot done.

And so, since I am having such a hard time staying focused, I decided to make a list.

A list with baby steps.

This way, I can cross lots of things off my list and get that sense of accomplishments.

I can take baby steps, and then the insurmountable feat of weight loss wont be so insurmountable.

Yay!  I have a list!  I can cross things off the list!  Right over there on the side bar.

Let the list crossing begin.

Rejoicings

I am a little bit thrilled right now.

I weighed myself this morning and have lost 5 pounds since Monday.  It is most likely water weight, but I am happy nonetheless.  I was 178 Monday morning, and now I am 173.  Yay!

But that is not the most important thing.  The most important thing is this motivation to eat better.  Not eat better as in foods (though that is there as well), but to have better quality of food, and less quantity.  I am very aware of what I am putting into my body lately.  And I feel great.  I feel a little thinner, I feel happier, and I have noticed my self esteem is over the roof right now.

This is the way I rejoice!

I can do this.  I can keep it up.  It isn't so hard, and it feels good to be picky about what I am eating.  It feels very good.  I love this.  Sigh.

Food Beware

image

I have had a bunch of nutrition shows in my Netflix queue.  I finally decided to tackle them and watched one today.  It is called Food Beware: The French Organic Revolution.  I am in love.  I am thinking in a completely new and more aware way.  I highly recommend it.  Admittedly, it is rather one sided, and I know it is always a good idea to get both sides of an argument but, as they say, the proof is in the pudding.  

At any rate, I wanted to share just a little of what I learned with you.  But this post would be far too extensive.  So I am just going to share the things that I can remember right now.

Cancer, diabetes, infertility, and many other deadly sickness are more prominent today than they were even ten years ago.  More and more children are dying from cancers than should be possible.  

A small village in France got tired of all their children having malformations, and dying, and so decided to change all the primary schools over to organic meals.  The children also had a garden to tend, and harvest.  I learned that most of the disease was from pesticides.  All of the foreign chemicals put on (and seeping into) the food is what was causing that.

I want to start buying organic.  This Earth, which we as the human race have stewardship over, is being destroyed by all the chemicals we use for our food.  When we pay for "cheaper" food, we pay for fossil fuels to transport the food, the ozone layer to be depleted.  We pay for all the disease and sickness caused by the pollutants in the air.  It makes me sad.  And really, can you put a price on health?  Will paying for chemo be cheaper than buying uncontimanited foods?  Just a few questions to ask yourself.

Sigh.  And now I am tired of being on a soap box.  Suffice it to say, I am going to try hard to change our style of living.  I have big plans.

Jeffrey has wanted me to start baking all our bread for a while now.  Since there is a heavy duty wheat grinder here, we will grind our wheat, bake our bread, use my mother in law's pasta maker and make our own pasta.  Also, I am going to try my hardest to buy locally.  Organic, obviously.  I don't really want to add to the greenhouse gasses.  

My long team goal is to nearly eliminate processed foods from our diet.  And to eliminate pesticides and gmos.  Sigh.  I have a long way to go, I know.  So, this is my bucket list:

Have my own organic garden from which to gather the majority of my seasonal produce.

Buy local organic when I need to buy.

Have a fully functional beehive.

Make home made bread and pasta.

Have chickens (for the eggs).

Start a charter school (that is for another post).

Treasure and save water.

I am excited to start.  Baby steps, obviously.  But the best news of all, learning this has inspired me to be healthier.  I don't know if it was watching the French eating their meals, or if it is the fear for my children's health.  Either way, I have noticed I have begun to eat smaller portions, and more produce.  Which is awesome!  I am excited about it.  

Broken Record

So basically, I feel like a broken record.  I bet you could all say it along with me.  "Hi, I am back again!  This time I promise I am in it for real..."  Sigh.  I just seem to be in a serious slump.  The no sugar thing isn't working because, well, I love sugar.  And I am depressed so the sugar helps me.  Not seriously depressed, just hate living with my inlaws and having no control over my life at all.  I hate not knowing what is going on, and when things are going to change, and so, to not dwell on those thoughts, I bake cookies.  I eat ice cream.  Not to mention the fact that it is summer, and that means snow cones.  Only three months out of the year can I enjoy that icey goodness called Tigers Blood.  Oh so good.

But, I really need to change.  Because really, I do eat well.  I have a green smoothie for breakfast nearly every morning with a piece of whole wheat toast.  For lunch I generally eat a large green salad with a piece of whole wheat toast.  And then for dinner, I have been watching my portion sizes and eating less.  Then I go to work for three hours, come home, and don't eat anything, then go to bed.  

I am not really sure what is going on with this stubborn mid-section though.  I get the three hours of work in each night.  I eat tons of fruits and veggies.  I don't eat a lot.  And I am not losing anything.

Sigh.  

Which leads me to believe I need some serious exercise help. But that is hard.  I have two kids who make exercising extremely difficult.  My son loves to join me, but in so doing, stands right in front of me, so I trip on him and we both get hurt.  My daughter hates for me to exercise.  She purposefully hurts herself so I will pay attention to her and not my exercise vid.  It is so frustrating.  So, I am not getting much in aside from work.

But the good news is I am not hating my body.  I actually like it quite a bit.  For the first time in a very long time I love just about everything about me, body included.  I would like to be able to fit into the smaller cute clothes again, which is why I am on this journey.  

So, I am asking for some help.  What else should I be doing?  I want to get rid of some of this spare tire (because it is starting to look like I have a tube around my waist), but I really don't know how.  Tips?  Suggestions?  Anything will be much appreciated!  Thanks.

I'm Back

OKAY.

I am back and ready to get going in full force.  We have moved and are mostly settled in.  We still have a few boxes lying around, but that is to be expected.

And things are going to be going well.  I admit, I sort of gorged myself on sugar these past few weeks.  But I figured it was just as well.  After talking to my little sister, I decided to go off sugar until my birthday.  I will still eat honey, but that is all.  No more sugar until the end of October.  Just in time for candy corn!  Which is made with honey, by the way.

I also decided to follow a new diet plan.  Diet meaning what I eat, not going on one.  I don't believe in going on diets.  Bad for the morale and body, I think.  But this, a way of life that I know to be good is going to be my bible.

My friend posted this on her blog.  She had a baby and seriously just a few months later she had dropped 45 pounds.  Granted some of that was baby being born, and she said another part of that is having great genes, but the other part is this regime she followed.

In her words she said:

if you really want to see results try the following

...

-30 min. of weight lifting 3x per week

this means 3 sets of 10-12 reps for toning.

do upper body and lower body, rotating each time,

mon: lower muscles & cardio

wed: upper muscles & cardio

fri: lower muscles & cardio

sat: just cardio, no weights

it's important to give your muscle groups a day off.

-30 min. of cardio

yup, that's it!

make sure you do the weight lifting first, then the cardio.

this is important so you will be burning fat while doing your cardio.

-start your day off with water and protein to kick start your metabolism

eggs & cottage cheese are great, but it does not have to be animal based.

soy is fab!

this is a great time to exercise, before eating,

but any time during the day is great.

-eat every 3-4 hours

never

go more than 4 hours without eating, ever!

this should be about 4 meals a day, but small meals

...

sample menu

...

breakfast: 2-3 eggs (eggs whites if you are watching your cholesterol) or cottage cheese with fruit

(just make sure it's some kind of protein)

lunch: 1/2 sandwich (try to get fiber & protein enriched bread), fruit, & veggie

snack: 1/4 c. peanuts or almonds (or any protein: like a string cheese, ademame soy beans, avocado w/lime & salt) & veggie or fruit

(do NOT skip this snack!!! this keeps your metabolism going)

dinner: protein, carb, veggie

dessert: stick to one sweet thing a day,

so if you have this after lunch then call it a day;-)

-breads are not bad

(sorry mr. atkin, just don't eat them at every meal;-)

-try to stay away from soda all together,

yes, this means diet soda too

(sad, i know, but research is showing that diet soda increases your cravings for sugary things and ends up hurting you in the end.

try cutting down to 1 diet soda a day, and then moving to 1 every other day or on special occasions like dinners out.)

none of these tips will work without the following:

stop eating when you are full!

this means eating slowly (try to always be sitting down) and drinking water with every meal.

i drink 4-5 liters of water a day, but before i was breastfeeding i tried to get 3-4 liters.

start off with 1 and work your way up:-)

(try to skip on juices and gatorades.

they usually have sugars that end up as empty calories.

some gatorades are ok, just read the labels first.)

remember, the number on the scale is not going to make you any happier than you are today

b/c

it's not about the weight!

 

And so, starting tomorrow, this is what I am going to doish.  Obviously with a little deviation because I am no good at following a strict regime, but I will still do my best.  I hope you have all been dropping the pounds while I was away!  

Moving

I seem to have disappeared.  Sorry about that.

Friday night we learned that we have two weeks to be moved, so I am a little stressed.

Our friend has been deployed overseas for the past year, and we have been house-sitting.   We always knew the day would come, and that it would be sometime in May, but we never knew exactly when.  Now, we are gearing up for the move.  Well, I am anyway.  Jeffrey is studying for a big test for school that he will be taking on Thursday. 

That translates into me having to do a lot of the packing.  We have use of a truck and trailer on Saturday, so we need to have a lot of our things packed up so the big things and big boxes can be moved.  And there is mostly just me to do it.  A little stressed?  Why yes, yes I am.

So, suffice it to say, I will not be focusing on any weight loss goals right now.  I will be focused on moving and that is basically it.  I do have big hopes for the future though.  I have my kick-awesome yoga video that has been hard for me to do on the wood floors.  Some of the poses put a lot of pressure on my knee, and the hard wood floors have been killing me!  So, moving in with my inlaws will give me carpet to yoga on.  And they have a nice 5 mile hike right by their house.  Within walking distance of their house, actually.  And a park with a track around it that is marked to be .5 miles.  So, I can go running there and measure my distance.

See, good things (I hope) are in store.

But, again, I will be gone most likely until the 15th, which is the day our friend gets home.

Good luck to all of you on your journey!  I hope when I come back everyone is at least 2 pounds lighter!

FAIL

Last night I dreamed of donuts.  The kind dripping with frosting.  The big, thick gooey ones that get all over you.  There were cinnamon rolls with frosting drizzling off the sides.  And I enjoyed tasting, savoring loving every single one.

I woke up and told Jeffrey about that delectable dream.

He smiled, handed the baby to me, and left.  Fifteen minutes he was back with a box of donuts.  Very nearly the same as in my dream.  Just no cinnamon rolls.

I smiled because he is so wonderful, and tucked into them.

And you know what?  They really weren't very good.  The cream in the middle of one was frozen, the other one was disguised as an apple fritter, but was really cherry (I hate cherry), and they were too sweet and left me feeling F-A-T.

I put on my jogging shorts, and they barely fit!  They were so tight and I blame the donuts.

Sometimes I think it is important to have an epic fail like that.  It gets you back on the right track.  My little baby (she is 17 months old) had surgery last week.  In my preoccupation with her, I didn't do a whole lot of exercising, and I had four accidental cheat days.  I blame the stress and worry.  And then I got sick, and when I am sick, even though I should do better, I am actually quite worse with my eating habits.  I don't want to work.  I don't want to cook.  I just want to sit, and go into a coma until I feel better.  So my husband cooks.  And when he cooks, he cooks greasy fast food.

But now, because of that epic fail, I am ready to jump back on the band wagon.  I am ready to start it all over, and strengthen my resolve.  Besides, I had lost two pounds last week.  I don't want to gain it all back!  I learned today that donuts are much better in the box then they are around your tummy. 

Well, as I have said, I have been feeling like junk lately.  Probably from the junk I have been eating.  So Tuesday night Jeffrey and I came to a mutual decision.  I am going back on the hypoglycemic diet.  And when I say diet, I don't mean "I need to lose weight so I am going on a diet."  I mean with hypoglycemia there are foods that can and cannot be eaten.  I am going to strictly adhere to that way of eating.  I think everyone ought to anyway. 

Making diet changes is a very slow process for me, with many set backs along the way.  But I figure, as long as I keep moving forward, no matter how small the steps are, it is a good thing.  So, here I am, back to it.

• No hydrogenated oils (which I mostly have been doing anyway).
• No refined flour (again, we eat whole wheat and basically nothing else, unless it is homemade.)
• No processed sugar (and that is the one I have been failing miserably on.)
• No soda (we don't usually drink soda so not a problem.)
• No HFCS (and that I added.  Because it is so bad for you.  And I can taste when it is in foods.  They are unnaturally sweet.  So so bad.)

I think that is basically it.  I can't really remember anything else.  I started yesterday.  And of course, that is the day our friend came over and brought a huge bag of gummy bears.  Surprisingly enough, it wasn't too difficult to say no to them.  It could be that I was feeling very yucky and had no appetite, but I am pretty proud of myself.  Conference is going to be a bit of a chore for me because I wanted to have little treats for Keith for listening.  And Easter of course will be a chore, but quite honestly, I hate feeling like this, so I think if I can remember this feeling, I can conquer that cursed sweet tooth. 

Sigh.

Tired. Oh so tired. Pills anyone?

I think I have found a problem.  And I am not sure how to surrmount it.


I am drastically tired.  Every day around 2:00, I am done.  It is like clock work.  There is no way around it.  I don't understand it at all.

And so, I just figured out today, the reason I am not getting any thinner, is due to this exhaustion.  See, around 2:00 every day (right when the tiredness hits) I get a massive sugar craving.  And then I just break.  I find sweet things.  And I just figured out why I get those cravings!  So I can have energy to get through the rest of the day.  And it doesn't ever work.  Which everyone knows why.  I get the sugar crash before the rush even really takes care of me.  And that is why I can't get passed the whole tiredness thing.

I am going to start on iron pills, vitamin B and vitamin D tomorrow.  I just hate taking pills.  But if it makes me feel better, I am all over it.

A Rant, A Rave and A Vent.

I just need to vent for a moment.

I love nutrition.  I love learning about the things that will help my body feel good.  The things that will keep me healthy.

But I am so sick of controversy.  I am tired of people telling me I am wrong.  I am tired of people with preconceived notions getting on their high horses, and very stubbornly telling me that what I am doing, and what I believe is wrong, and will be damaging to my health.

I believe that cow's milk is bad.  It has far too many hormones in it.  It does have calcium in it, but not calcium that your body can use.  I believe that it actually leeches calcium from your bones in order to digest it.  It is a leading cause in osteoporosis, and cancer.  It is just not good for you.  I began this belief by noticing that my body doesn't digest dairy very well.  I noticed that I don't feel at my best when I eat dairy.  I then began researching it.  One of the biggest sources that gave me much of my information was from the China Study.  Today I was told that everything (studies) that comes out of China is generally skewed and made to fit an idea.  The milk there is different from ours because there are no regulations, and the diets are so different from ours, that it should have no relevance to us.  But the thing that I think is interesting is Breast Cancer is the leading cause of death in women.  If Breast Cancer is virtually nonexistent in China, shouldn't we be paying attention?  Shouldn't we be trying to figure out what is different about the diets that is keeping those people cancer free?  Instead of booing down the little bit of evidence, saying it is irrelevant?  Also, I get plenty of calcium from eating calcium rich veggies.  Isn't that a better source since it doesn't require my bones to lose some of their mass?  No wonder women over the age of thirty have problems with their bone mass.  They keep drinking milk!  And I just can't get away from cheese.  I want to desperately, but many family members think they cannot live without cheese, and that my children and I cannot live without it either, so cheese is a constant evil around us that just wont go away.

I don't eat meat.  I have never been a big meat eater.  I just don't particularly like it.  After months of studying both in my scriptures (Old Testament, New Testament, and Docterine and Covenants) and personal prayer, I have come to the decision to not eat meat or feed it to my family.  It is not a decision I push upon anyone else.  I do it quietly.  But people notice and comment.  They think it is bad.  I have had many people tell me that they think my family does not get enough protein, or enough of the necessary vitamins and minerals.  I eat more veggies than many people I know, so I don't understand where my loss of vitamins and minerals would come from.  And why people are so concerned with my health choices.  We get plenty of protein from other sources.  Beans, nuts, legumes, and even some fruits and vegetables have protein in them!

I have made a decision to stay away from refined sugar.  And truth be told, it is hard.  I have a sweet tooth.  Big time.  I have been fighting it a lot more, recently.  I want to squash the hold it has over me.  But in the meantime, I try to use natural sugars like agave nectar, or sucanat, or even stevia.  I completely stay away from HFCS and artificial sweeteners as they are so very very bad for you.  Yet people still harass me about this decision.  Why on earth would it matter to someone if I am trying to fight this personal demon?  Especially since I am trying to at least substitute healthier alternatives until I can rid myself of this sweet tooth, or at least gain control over it.

I don't feed my family anything with hydrogenated oils in it.  I try to stay away from all things soy except for edemame and tofu.  I try not to use vegetable (soy) oil, and in cooking mainly only use coconut and olive oil.  And still, I get a lot of flack.  People are so down on coconut oil.  They say that vegetable oil is so good for you.  They don't realize that vegetable oil is made of soy, and that processed soy messes with the thyroid.  I listen to so many people go on and on and on about the evils of coconut oil, but they don't realize that coconut oil was demonized by the soy growers and companies.  They wanted a monopoly, and so they made it look bad, where in actuality it is quite good for you.

I am doing my best for my family.  The funniest thing to me, is I am judged and criticized for trying to feed my family healthy.  I am judged and criticized by people who feed their families soda and chips, and junk.  All the time.  I don't understand why it is deemed acceptable in our society to feed young growing bodies such junk, but when someone decides they want to be healthy and feed their families healthy food, they are demonized.  How does that make sense?  I just don't get it.

I am very frustrated right now.  I feel like I am blocked at every turn.  I want to be healthy, but with their being so many outside influences in our lives, it makes it extremely difficult.  I wish I could just move far away, and be able to raise my family without being under a microscope.  To be able to make decisions for my family without risking the wrath of someone who thinks they know better than me. 

And the worst part is, what if they are right?  What if I am being just as stubborn and hard headed thinking what I have learned is right?  There is so much conflicting information out there right now.  I was talking to a woman today who has completely given up on coconut oil.  She said every few years they flip flop.  Coconut oil has been said to be good.  Then bad.  Then good.  Then bad again, she just wants to stay away from it in general, just in case.  What if?  I mean, I am not really doubting my knowledge, because I don't just take things at face value.  I have to thoroughly research them before I will decide whether or not to believe something.  I have done a lot of research with my beliefs, and I feel in my heart that I am doing what is best.  I just don't want to come off as being stubborn and not wanting to change because I am proud, or willful.  I want to be able to listen to people's thoughts and views on nutrition and not feel contentious.  And not feel like I am being disregarded.  I need to not care.  Because everyone is going to make their own choice, and I can't make it for them, and there is nothing I am going to say that will change their minds.  Sigh.  I guess I am just tired of it all.  I need a break from nutrition controversy.  That is not to say nutrition learning and growth.  I am going to continue with that.  I just need a break from people telling me what to do, and telling me that what I am doing is wrong.    Maybe I just need a thicker skin.

Whew!  What a rant!  Still, it does feel a little better to get it all out there.  I know very few people actually read this blog, so I don't worry about the accusing fingers haunting me after they read this.  They most likely wont.  And even if they do, I feel I am doing what is right, so they wont change me.

Catch 22

It has been a long time since I have been here.  Not because I haven't wanted to, but because of this blasted bronchitis.  Someone has been sick in this house since the beginning of this month.  Really.  February first Jeffrey began with a flu and it has just spiraled out of control since then.  And I am sure the kids are going to get sick from me.  The poor things, because this is miserable!  I dread the day they get it.

So, this means Jeffrey is on cooking duty.

I love it when I don't have to cook.

However, when Jeffrey cooks, it means we get take out of something.  Fast food.  Greasy.  Fatty.

A week's worth of that.  Not working very well with the wanting to be healthy.

Which is funny, because eating junk is certainly not going to help anyone get better.  But I am not feeling up to cooking, so Jeffrey decides to do it, and then continues the viscious cycle.

It is a catch 22.

Whatever that means.

I think tomorrow I am going to try just a little harder to make something healthy.

I do have bouts of feeling good.

During one of those bouts, I am going to get a good soup going.  Something hearty.  Full of beans, lentils, and really yummy vegetables.  It is going to be incredibly tasty and healthy.

And that, my friends, is how I am going to beat this thing.  And make Jeffrey so much happier.  His wallet is getting tired of making dinner.

Here's to getting health back into my home!

Miracle Pill

I won the book Miracle Pill, and have been loving it!  So full of insight.  And the author really knows her stuff.  I honestly don't know where my fascination with nutrition came, but I really do love it. 

Jeffrey gave me the Richard Simmons Sweatin to the Oldies.  So fun!  Only problem is Faye wont let me work out.  She likes to be held and paid attention to at all moments.  Silly girl.

I am still dedicated, but am still having difficulty with exercise.  More so the desire to exercise.  It doesn't help that I have been sick lately.  I am hoping to get over that soon, so I can get back to trying to exercise.  Hopefully it will be extremely soon.

Being sick.  Blah.
Not exercising.  Blah!

But, I am very happy to report that my tummy is getting smaller!  Sweet.

"So what if I'm fat?

I recently had a bit of an awakening.


It has been on my mind for a while, and reading a beautifully written piece by Courtney Kendrick (aka C. Jane) really helped to cement it in my mind.  In talking about her struggle with weight and feeling worthy to be happy because of her body, she said:

I heard a voice say, "So what if you're fat?"

And I thought about it. Fat has always been so scary to me. The word, the way it flings out of the mouth when you say it, the way it sticks when it lands. FAT. The Devil's own word to sum up everything that isn't right. I am fat has a thousand meanings, the least being unhealthy, the most being unimportant. I have lived in fear of fat for so long, it eats me furious and terribly and leaves me heavier than any number on the scale.

But here was a thought, holding up a mirror to say, here's fat. So what?

Are your eyes any less blue?
Is your hair any less thick?
Or your body any less vigorous?

Did those noodles taste exquisite?
Was the conversation interesting?
When you cracked the brulee, did it pop?

Does your husband desire you?
Are your children charming?
Is your home still cozy and warm?

If you are fat, are you still from heaven?
Are you always divine?
Or worthy?

No? Yes?

 Thank you Courtney!  The words "so what if I am fat?" have been rolling around in my head, snowballing thoughts and ideas.  Connecting realizations and questions together.  And her post came at the precise moment to bring it all into clarity.

I have been thinking a lot about body image and the negative implications that come from it.  We live in a society obsessed with thin.  Not necessarily healthy, but thin.  I mentioned earlier about my high school years of being super thin.  I was not healthy.  I should have eaten more.  A lot more.  And better foods.  But I was young, and didn't think of the effects.

Now, I am much older and wider.  But I am not a different person.  Just because my body does not look as it did when I was 18 does not mean I am any less of a person, or any different.  I still have the same personality.  The same passions and loves and thoughts and feelings.  Only better.  As with wine, people only get better as they get older.

It should not matter what a person looks like!  It should not matter if they are fat or thin or orange or blue, or square or round.  What matters is on the inside!  I learned very early on in life to not judge a book by its cover.  I discovered my favorite book when I was in the 4th grade.  It is called Nobody's Girl by Hector H. Malot.  It was an old worn book.  The dark blue cover was frayed and the pages were yellowing slightly.  I happened on it by chance in the school library.  It was on the top shelf, overlooked by many.  It had not been checked out in nearly ten years.  Something about it made me curious.  I checked it out and fell in love.  I checked it out twice a year until I moved on to Jr. High.  I was the only one who ever checked it out.  And then my little sister (four years younger) checked it out when she was old enough to really read.  She said that no one had checked it out since me.  And she also fell in love with it.

The most beautiful story I had ever read was overlooked because it wasn't shiny and glossy, the equivalent of "thin" in the book world.  How often are people overlooked because they don't fit the stereotype we as a society demand?  How often are they left feeling unwanted, waiting on that top shelf for the magic new book sleeve that will transform them into the belle of the ball, the most wanted woman {or man} in the world?  It shouldn't be like that!

So in thinking about this, I am no longer going to be tracking my weight.  My weight shouldn't matter.  Don't get me wrong, I know that to be overweight is very bad for the health.  I know that there are many complications that arise from being overweight.  I want to emphasize instead on turning to a more healthy life.  Kicking out the old habits, and bringing in the new.  Focusing on myself and what I need more than focusing on what the stereotypes say I should be.

Happily, a side effect of this will be to lose weight, but that is not my primary goal any longer.  My primary goal is to better myself as a person in all aspects.  Be more healthy, and more well rounded.  This includes developing a daily exercise regime.  Kicking the processed and refined foods to the curb.  Studying the Gospel more fully.  Making more time to play with my children.  Reading more books for myself.  I figure, as I focus on these things, I will be happier.  The weight will come off when it is ready to, and my self esteem will not be tied to the scale.  I think also, my family will be happier as I do these things.  It is a win win!

So I will no longer  be posting my weight.  I will no longer be weighing myself.  I, of course, will shout long and loud when I lose a pant size.  I will squeal with delight when I need to buy smaller shirts.  I will not obsess over a little number that often would dictate my mood.  No more, I declare! 

Good bye scale, Hello happiness!

Miracle Pill

Reading my friend Kristen's blog, I learned about a book which talks about the same things I have been trying to do.  Change the way you think about yourself and food.  Incredible!  I really need a bit of a guide in this.  I mean, I am doing my best, but without the proper tools and knowledge, your best can only take you so far.  The book is called The Miracle Pill and it is by Tres Prier Hatch.

Upon reading a little of it (from Amazon) it sounds like she went through many of the same struggles I am going through.  You know the ones.  Having a hard pregnancy and ballooning into something you never thought you would be.  Trying so hard to get it off, but never succeeding.  And then, she found a solution.  Thinking differently.  I really hope I win this book!  And if you would like a chance as well, you can go enter to win at Anne Bradshaw's place!

And I will write more of my musings later.  I really have completely changed my battle plan and my outlook.

Success!

I think it is important to celebrate every single success.
I have lost 2.6 lbs since last week!
So excited about this.
I have not had any sugar (okay, once I had a bite of Keith's rice krispy treat), no fast food (except the once when Jeffrey bought pizza.  But it was Papa Murphy's pizza, take and bake which means slightly healthier than something like Little Ceasar's, right  Okay justification, I know), and lots of water.  Nearly 16 cups a day.  I just can't seem to get enough of it, which is weird because I used to hate water.  It made me feel sick. 
I have been having a large salad nearly every day, and I remember how butter was my best friend?  I haven't even used any for about three weeks now.  Not even on my toast.  I use coconut oil in place of butter.
The thing that I need to step up is my exercise.  I mean, really.  I do yoga each night (well, the ones where I go to bed at a descent hour) and that about does it for my exercise. 
Idealy, I would get up around 6:00 and exercise while the kids are still asleep, but I find that when 6:00 comes around, I have a very hard time getting out of bed.  Regardless of how early I go to bed
And the blasted headache which I have had since last Wednesday is really getting old.  I can't seem to shake it.  I can't figure out what could possibly be causing it.  I thought it was sugar detox, but I don't think so anymore.  I don't even crave sugar.  It isn't even a temptation for me anymore.  I am getting enough sleep, I am eating healthy (no greasy foods, no simple carbs ie white flour), I am drinking enough water.  I have no idea what else could be causing it.  I am not under stress, my life is pretty darn happy.  Well, aside from the hurting head. 
All in all, I am awfully pleased, and very motivated to continue on with this lifestyle.

In other news, I figured out something a little funny yesterday.  I have shifted to be somewhat vegan.  I know, weird.  I never thought I would be vegan.  The only way I am not is I eat eggs and fish.  But I don't eat dairy anymore.  So no meat (aside from fish and eggs) and no dairy is somewhat vegan.  But I confess, I still eat honey.  I know many vegans stay away from honey because they believe it exploits the bees, and it is cruel, but I know that the source of my honey is very humane, and there is no exploitation.  My dad is a bee keeper, and gives me all the honey I could possibly want.  Lucky girl, I know.  :)

So, here is to a very happy and successful week!  Wish me luck that I can kick that exercise in the rear!

Headache

I get headaches.  Bad ones.  If my life isn't completely in balance, I am in pain.  Meaning, if I don't eat right, I hurt.  If I don't get enough sleep, I hurt.  If I don't get enough exercise my legs hurt {RLS.  But that is a different story}.  If I am under stress, my head hurts.  There are so many things that cause headaches, and I have been dealing with one for about a week now.  The funny thing is, it is always for a different reason.  Last week it was hurting because of lack of sleep.  Then when I got caught up it was due to bad foods.  Now, it is still hurting.  The only thing I can figure is because my body is going into sugar detox.  But due to all the water I am drinking, I have no desire to eat sweets.  Awesome.

Also, I am pretty excited about my breakfasts I have been having.  I don't like cow's milk, and so I have been making oatmeal to eat without milk.  Kind of thick sometimes, but what can you do?  I don't want to add sugar to it, because I know if I eat any, I will just start to crave it again, and I don't want that.  So, today I figured out the perfect way to eat it.  While the oats are cooking, I add some cinnamon, mace, and nutmeg.  After I dish it into the bowls, I cut up some bananas to go in, and add some craisins.  Delicious!  I may never go back.  I love it when I figure things out like that and both my mouth and my body are happy.  So awesome.

And so, I am hoping the headache will go away in a few days.  I know it isn't due to dehydration {I have been drinking about 16 cups of water a day.  At least.  I just crave it all the time now}, sugar, refined flour or hydrogenated oils {the things that used to cause the headaches} so I am at a loss.  I may have to do some meditating to figure out what it is my body needs or doesn't want.  But that is the joy of this quest for wellness.  I will be able to read my body a whole let better. 

The Blessed Curse or The Cursed Blessing

Ooch.  The holidays were not good to my waist line.
I thought I was doing well saying no to the goodies, but evidently, I didn't.  I gained 5 lbs.  But not to be discouraged, I have been reading, and researching, and am excited to begin anew.

To start off with, Happy New Year! 

I love this time of year. It is a great time for cleansing and renewal.  It is clean and fresh, and ready for us to make our mark on it.

I decided to start the 12 Steps to Whole program again.  I have been doing my reading, and studying.  I think I am ready.  I love this program because it is simple, and comprehensive, and gradual.  It doesn't ask you to change all your habits all at once.  It asks you to change one or two things at a time.  For January it asks that you stop drinking soda, and start drinking a green smoothie everyday instead.  I can do that!  Also to start drinking 8-16 cups of water a day.  I have begun that, and feel so much better.  I used to never want water.  Really.  I could go for a few days without a drink of water.  Then I started to drink it more, but winter time I always stopped.  Cold water when one is already cold is not a good idea, I thought.  But I am always thirsty now!  Which is a good thing, because all the toxins are being cleaned out of my body, I don't want sweets, and I am not as hungry.  Who would have thought?!

I also had a blessing in disguise which I am somewhat excited about.

When I first got married, it was very rocky for us.  I would get home from work, pull out a cook book, then curl up on the floor because the pain in my head was too much to bear.  I would find a recipe, make dinner, put the dishes in the sink, and then when dinner was over, I would crawl to bed.  Usually around 7:30 or 8:00.  It really took a toll on Jeffrey.  He was not prepared to have a constantly sick wife.  We went to several different doctors.  They all said I was having migraines.  I told them I did not see an aura, and I didn't think it was a migraine, but they didn't listen.  Finally, one day I was talking with my brother who is a doctor.  He said I might be hypoglycemic.  I looked into it.  I bought a book on it.  My symptoms matched up.  I began to follow the diet, and my headaches cleared up.   Though I was never actually tested, I believe I was hypoglycemic.  I got the shakey jitters, I got the headaches, everything when I ate sugar or white flour foods.  When I didn't, I was fine.

Over the past few days, that headache came back.  I have spent a lot of time in bed as I cannot cope with the pain.  I noticed it was always worse shortly after eating something I know is not good for my body.  So, now, while some people would curse this, be upset about it, I rejoice.  I have very poor self control.  Especially if it is for my waist line.  I enjoy food too much.  However, if I know that what I am eating is going to effect my body so much, cause me so much pain, it is a lot easier to say no.  Whereas gaining weight isn't as instantaneous, so I have a hard time saying no to that.  At any rate, I suspect the hypoglycemia is back, and I count it as a blessing. 

Now I just need to sit down, set some long term and short term goals, and I will be on my way!